Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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