i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
