no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
