Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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