how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We named our party play list daddy issues
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
