seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
