shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
