apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Randomize
