I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
