Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish I only lived at night.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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