I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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