I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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