Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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