my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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