I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
