if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
His nipple licking is glorious
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