so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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