I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
