not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
