saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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