I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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