She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
