His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
