I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Never underestimate the power of titties
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
