i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
