K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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