I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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