We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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