i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
