oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
