u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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