Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
