I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
