I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
