and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
