I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
