I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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