You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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