I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
