my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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