I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
