I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
