i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
