You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
