didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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