its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
