I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
