Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
