Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
