I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
